Dear 26 sama
by iNikkix3
Summary: Fran decides to set up an advice column, after listening to Bel's advice. If you know the sarcastic frog well, you should also know that the answers he gives would be snarky. Idea ripoff from Dear 59 kun. Please R&R. Pairings: B26 and mild XS
1. Chapter 1

**This fanfiction is co-written by NinaKerndall and iNikkix3.**

**Disclaimer: Neither NinaKerndall nor I owe Katekyo Hitman Reborn. However, we do own this fanfic.**

**Credits for the idea of this fic go to mangarox14, for the awesome Dear 59 kun. We only posted it after getting permission.**

**Most of the questions were created by iNikkix3, but the final one was asked by one of our friends.**

**Please sit back, relax and enjoy this fanfic! Don't forget to leave your comments and reviews after reading! No flames please.  
**

**Chapter One: The Beginning  
**

Fran's monotone of "I'm bored" rang again and again in Belphegor's ears as the pair sat in the Varia castle's living room.

"Then go do something, you're annoying the Prince." A knife stabbed Fran in his big frog hat, as the Storm Guardian went back to his favourite gory handheld game.

"If I had something to do, I wouldn't be bored, idiotic senpai. Even a fool like the old lightning pervert knows that. Don't you?" All Fran got in reply was more knives in the hideous frog hat.

Fran started poking Bel in the shoulder. "Ne… Retarded senpai…"

"Stop poking the Prince! There's a death penalty for that!" Bel took on his anger on Fran as his head got shot of by a particularly ugly Mafioso.

He died in the game, not in real life. Although that would provide some entertainment for Fran.

"But I'm bored!"

"Ushishishi. Then go do something."

"I already said –"

"Then go find something to do!"

"Give me something to do, irritated senpai." Fran drawled loudly, poking Bel another time.

"Ushishishi. Go jump off a tower or something and _stop disturbing the Prince_."

"Give me something to do that doesn't involve harm to my precious body, please."

"Go open one of those retarded advice columns that Lussuria likes so much or something. The kind on the newspapers." Bel pressed the restart button and started killing the poor buttons by extremely fast jabbing.

"Are you serious about that idea?"

"The Prince doesn't care what you do, as long as you go away." He carried on fingering the buttons on his game.

"Okay. I'll give it a try. Ja ne." Fran hopped off the comfy sofa. "And I'm also taking off the hat."

"Don't you dare, Froggy," Belphegor shot a knife at Fran before going back to his game. How he did that without dying in the game was beyond the Mist Guardian.

- B26 - B26 - B26 -

After a whole lot of HTML editing, Fran was finally done with his blog.

Yes, Fran can use HTML. It wasn't very hard actually. All he had to do was hack into Bel's computer and copy Bel-senpai's blog before editing it to his preference. What Bel actually wrote in his blog was so stupid that Fran took it to himself to change it a little… Make that a lot.

Back to the point at hand. His website had an indigo and teal green striped background, with equally coloured spiral swirly things. Optical illusions, the basic unit of illusions.

His master forced him to look at those for a whole month. His whole room was replaced by swirly things, so he slept in swirly things. Because of that, he even dreamt of optical illusions. His bathroom was covered with optical illusions, so he couldn't even look at the mirror unless he wanted to get a migrane. He even ate food with optical illusions on them, courtesy of his pineapple-haired master.

For the year after that, Fran had to learn how to create those _things _on paper, computer and on everything possible. He carved one rather pineapply design on a pineapple and gave it to his master on his birthday. Fran had always been artistic. Not that anyone appreciated it. (His gift was crushed by illusionary elephants and tossed into the trash.)

This time, he wanted to force the torture onto someone else too. Although pineapple swirly illusions were his master's specialty, Fran could create some rather good ones, if he could say so himself.

While waiting for someone to post a question on his advice column, Fran started writing some horribly embarrassing things in Bel-senpai's blog. Like… how Bel-senpai wetted his bed once.

The whole Varia knew about it five minutes later because Fran took a picture and posted it all about the headquarters. Bel-senpai didn't know Fran was the mastermind though, and killed all the grunts because of the embarrassment. It was torture trying to recruit people after that, but Fran decided that the trouble was worth it. Seeing as Squalo was the one who had to find people.

After lengthily describing the vain prince's bathroom habits, Fran decided to check on his advice column. And there came the first question. He wasn't _thrilled_, he never was, but was curious to find out what it was.

_Dear 26-san,_

_I'm very clumsy. I always trip and fall over nothing at all. My grades are bad too... I always get less than 10/100 for tests and my tutor always beats me up after that. Everyone calls me no good... Can you suggest a way for me to improve?_

_A no-good person_

He raised his teal green eyebrows. Who knew that the Vongola boss would be so insecure as to ask for advice? Ah, but he'd have fun replying.

_Dear I think I know who you are,_

_You don't happen to be a brunette with absolutely no sense of balance, do you?_

_Anyway, too bad for you. I suggest you listen to your tutor. You have a wonderful one that can make you... improve. Just try to withstand all the beatings and torture you get and remember, there's someone out there much worse than you, doing nothing wrong but getting stabbed everyday by a self-assuming fake prince who's -cough- stupid, insane, ugly, retarded, idiotic, ugly, eyeless, slow to respond, ugly, hideous, horrible, ugly, terrifying, monstrous, ugly, grotesque, ugly, gross and ugly. Did I mention ugly? ... _

_Oops, look at me talking too much again._

_26-sama._

_P.S. He really is all those things you know._

Having felt satisfied with himself at dissing Bel-senpai and utterly destroying his blog, he moved on to the next question that had popped up while he was writing.

_Dear 26-sama,_

_Just the other day, I saw a long-haired person with a screwed up hair colour, who reminds me of a shark, run around the supermarket in a fit. He went along the lines of "VROIIIIIIII! DAMN THAT STUPID BEL! AND THAT STUPID FROG! WAIT UNTIL I GET HOLD OF THEM! I WILL-" _

_The rest was so disturbing I can't bear to tell it to you. Please help me clear my mind..._

_Currently-Mentally-Polluted_

Oh, so there was a witness to the shark's, ahem, hair colour crisis. He wasn't surprised she or he would be mentally polluted. The stupid long-haired commander was, after all, amazingly loud. It was lucky that Fran had the frog hat as earplugs. Not that he would admit it.

_Dear I think you need ear transplants,_

_You're terribly unlucky, aren't you? Going out on the day Bel and I- Ah, I mean, on the day that white-haired guy was pranked by two very very bad people who changed his shampoo to pink hair dye with honey._

_About my advice... I suggest you use bleach. Have you ever heard of it? It washes your mind clean of everything you don't want to remember. Well, maybe things you don't want to forget as well. But if you ignore the last point, it's really helpful. I'd know. Since I tried it on Levi before._

_26-sama_

The results for Levi were obviously very interesting. The pretty much ignored Lightning Guardian had forgotten how much he loved the idiotic boss, but fell in love with him all over again, after a whole load of bullying. Sad to say (not really), Levi was still ignored despite his new love.

Fran mentally smirked, although he read the next question with a blank face.

_DEAR 26-SAN TO THE EXTREME,_

_COME TO NAMIMORI BOXING CLUB TO THE EXTREME! I CAN TRAIN YOU EXTREMELY UP!_

_SASAGAWA RYOHEI_

A very 'Extreme' no. Why would someone ask him to join a club? And worst of all, a _boxing _club? Everyone who knew Fran also knew how much he hated exercising. Illusionists just needed their brain, and Fran had a very fine one, so why do people, like that boxing idiot and the stupid long-haired commander, keep on forcing him to _train?_

_Dear No Thank You,_

_I find that I am very fit now due to a certain fake prince and running every day, so I have to very regretfully (and gleefully) decline your kind offer._

_Wait._

_Aren't you that sun guardian boxing freak? How did you even find this site?_

_26-sama: The person that's walking far far away from you right now, don't bother chasing after his handsome back._

After sending the email, he read the next post and felt the urge to cut off someone's supply of air. Preferably the person who sent the question, and shove him under Bel-senpai's nose while he was on one of his usual rampages. Oh, then feed the sliced up pieces to Squalo's box weapon.

_Dear 26 (Why should I call you sama?),_

_Where did you get that BACKGROUND? It's horribly mismatched! Indigo is SUCH an ugly colour, don't you think? And what kind of name is 26? What a bad and yucky number! Why can't you be 27? Or 64? 64 is SUCH a cool number, RIGHT?_

_26 Hater._

He hoped he would able to show all his scorn through his reply. People like him deserved to be attacked by Bel's disturbingly-similar-to-him mink, Visone Tempesta.

_Dear Person with Bad Taste,_

_Indigo and teal green is a wonderful combination, just that people with bad eyesight, namely you, can't appreciate the quality of the colours. _

_I like my name very much, thank you. 64 is a GREAT number. It is a number that would willingly tear off your clothes (if you were a guy) and rape you with his pinky sticking up, all while cooing happily. I suggest you say you like that number to the gay homo who is cooking in the kitchen. Oh, and wear something cute too. With a lot of ruffles and hearts._

_26-SAMA._

_P.S. Since I'm very much superior to you, you should call me sama. _

_P.P.S. I think I sound a little like my senpai. His craziness must be rubbing off on me._

_P.P.P.S. What made me say that? Please ignore the previous statement if you want to live without live frogs haunting you for the rest of your life._

Still slightly annoyed at the last post, he stared at his postscripts. The fake prince's madness must be killing his brain cells and causing him to write such retarded lines. He would do better for the next advice-seeker.

_Dear 26-sama,_

_Do you like Bel-san? I keep seeing the two of you together and it seems your senpai is very fond of you. You should return the love._

_Do you know where the 6__th__ Hell Ring is? I found out for some reason my purple eyes have become blue and red. Add the angel and devil wings and something's wrong. Is this an illusion?_

_Regards,_

_13_

_P.S. My friend and a lot others support B26. Better say "like" or "hate" Bel-san soon._

Fran was frustrated. What was with that question? How did that person know of the Hell Rings? Why did that person even think that Bel-senpai liked him? He felt extremely grossed out, although anyone peeking into his room right now would still see him look as if he was simply taking a relaxing stroll or disturbing Bel again.

_Dear Oh-so-lucky 13,_

_No. N.O. No way. If that's not enough for you, should I repeat it again?_

_If you keep seeing us together, you'd also notice the number of knives I have in me. Or that I'm running away. Are you stalking me or Bel-sempai? I'll let him know that so that you can enjoy your painful torture. It also comes free with a whole lot of maniacal laughter. And shiny knives._

_Oh sure, he loves me so much. The only reason why I don't 'return the love' is because he would double or triple return it. Leading to my death._

_Hmm. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Do I have any reason to tell you? _

_That's what happened to you? Okay, I'll suggest you call this number: 6918 5701 4851 XXX. It's the number to the nearest mental hospital from here. Make sure to call early before your illness gets too serious, dear. _

_26-sama_

_P.S. Your other friends can go get molested by Lussuria for all I care. Or get eaten by Besta._

Fran sighed as he shut down his laptop. Who knew answering meaningless questions would be so tiring? But it certainly cured the boredom. Which was more than he could say for an idea of Bel's.

Though he had entirely no idea why _some people _would think Bel had a crush on him. The guy hated him. Why would someone stab another person every time the person annoyed him unless he hated his guts?

Or unless he was crazy.

Which Bel unfortunately was.

As he walked past Bel's room on the way to get a snack, he saw the man in question standing at his door.

"Ushishishi. The Prince hasn't seen the Frog since the Froggy bothered him. Where has it been?" Belphegor followed Fran, both sauntering down the hallway.

"I took your not-so-stupid advice on what to do for once and opened an advice column." Fran wondered whether he should tell a lie to annoy his senpai, but decided against it.

The tiara-wearing 'genius' would get annoyed enough later on when he saw his blog.

"The Frog actually bothered to do it? Ushishishi. The Prince thought the Frog went off to do whatever frogs do when they get bored." Bel looked stunned for a moment before his mouth stretched into his usual grin.

"Which would be…?"

"Stab themselves repeatedly in the head, of course. Ushishishi."

"Frogs don't do that. They don't have hands to hold knives with."

"The Prince will do it for you, Froggy." Are these the words of a man who is in love with his kouhai?

Maybe they're the twisted words of a man who is in love with his kouhai.

Fran shuddered mentally, if those were the words of love, then what will the actions of love, other than the stabbing, be? Ah, why was he even considering the fact that his senpai was in love with him?

Fran blamed the stupidity from Bel that had somehow made its way into his smart brain through all the stabbing.

Bel trailed after him as he made his way down the stairwell. "Where's the Frog going?"

"I'm hungry."

"That's no answer." Stab.

"Would you stop that, aho senpai?"

Stab. "Ushishishi, hell no." Were those the actions of someone in love with his kouhai?

Fran opened the door to the cupboard, took out a bag of chips, and tore it open. Bel unceremoniously took a handful of chips from the bag.

"Those are my chips, baka-fake-prince-senpai." Fran protested.

"Who cares? Uncute kouhai." And who knows why someone would call his obviously cute kouhai uncute.

"Fake genius."

Stab. Stab. Stab.

"Itai."

He felt so loved at that moment as he strolled down the hall with at least ten knives in his back, an ugly frog hat and half a packet of chips.

- B26 - B26 - B26 -

**iNikkix3's note: So, did you enjoy it? My friend said that my replies sounded a whole lot more like 59 than like 26, so I'm sorry if Fran sounds OOC. But if he doesn't, leave a review telling me that so that I can rub it in my friend's face saying: "HAH! SO THERE!"**

**If he does, then leave a review too and I'll make him more emotionless.**

**We'll appreciate the reviews! The more reviews, the faster we'll update!**


	2. Chapter 2

**This fanfiction is co-written by NinaKerndall and iNikkix3, but this chapter is written solely by iNikkix3. The reason why Nina didn't write this chapter is because she's on a holiday, and hence, didn't have time to do much on the computer.**

**Disclaimer: Neither NinaKerndall nor I owe Katekyo Hitman Reborn. However, we do own this fanfic.**

**Credits for the idea of this fic go to mangarox14, for the awesome Dear 59 kun. We only posted it after getting permission.**

**A very big thank you to all those who reviewed: rachel-chanx3, none of your business, AmiiStarr, orangesky3, AsphodelWinter, kurobunnyalice, ShirobaraNikoru. The reviews put a big goofy smile in my face!**

**Please sit back, relax and enjoy this fanfic! Don't forget to leave your comments and reviews after reading! No flames please.**

**Chapter Two: Fake Princes**

Fran snuggled in the warmth of his bed. He didn't want to wake up. A lovely dream of Squalo screaming his head off because Fran managed to pull off yet another awesome prank fluttered into his head. He imagined himself in the best position, lounging on his bed while watching his commander yell his head off.

Just as the stupid Rapunzel was about to yell his favourite word, his warm covers were stripped off Fran quickly.

"Get up, Froggy," An annoying voice told Fran.

There was something missing in that voice. Something very familiar… That should have given him the hint to run. But Fran couldn't be blamed. All he wanted to do was to sleep.

"Give me back my covers…" Fran muttered sleepily, curling up into a ball.

Stab. Stab. Stab.

"Froggy can't ignore the Prince. The Prince still hasn't punished Froggy for ruining his royal blog."

Stab. Stab. Stab.

"The stupid fake-prince can go and jump out of the building." When half-asleep, Fran loses his sense of self-preservation. "Let the poor Frog sleep…"

Which wasn't a very smart move. Seeing as there was a homicidal prince, who was holding up dozens of knives threateningly, standing right next to his bed.

Anger marks appeared on Bel's head as he gave Fran a very rude wake-up call… Six knives into his back and a frog hat jammed onto his teal locks.

As the Mist Guardian finally woke up and decided to run, he finally knew what he had missed in Bel's voice. The exasperating laugh. And if Bel didn't laugh, well, Fran… Fran was dead.

- B26 - B26 - B26 -

"Ah. Senpai… Could you stop stabbing me already?" Fran asked the furious Prince.

After Fran got hungry that morning- afternoon, actually, he decided to stop running and stroll down to the kitchen while Bel continued stabbing him. All throughout the meal and the walk back to his room, Fran was stabbed, receiving a grand total of a 690 knives. Which he broke and threw out of the window… Or at Levi.

The retarded prince decided to follow Fran into his room (Triple stab) since he didn't close the door in time. Actually, Fran was glad he didn't attempt to close the door. If he did, he would have to pay for a new one.

"Ushishishi, Froggy deserves to be punished for putting weird things on the Prince's noble blog." Bel smiled widely, lazily throwing Fran another knife from his spot on the couch.

"You mean those things weren't true?" Fran replied innocently, enjoying the look on his senpai's face.

"Shut up, Froggy! The Prince is allowed to do those things!" Bel snarled, admitting that he did pee in Squalo's hair conditioner.

"Really? Because half of those things were made up," Fran countered easily.

"Ushishishi. Bad Froggy," Bel covered up his embarrassment by throwing another set of knives.

"Itai." Fran decided to ignore the truly stupid person in his room and turn on the laptop to check on is advice column.

To his surprise, he saw many questions waiting for him to reply. Who would be so dumb to ask an unknown person questions? Well, at least he was wanted.

_Dear 26-sama,_

How do I become a top magician, too? x)

And how much does your hat weigh? 0_0

Love, Rachel-chan :)

Fran read that post with slightly raised eyebrows. How much did his frog hat weigh exactly? He didn't really bother to measure its weight. And how did that person… 'Rachel' know that he was a top _illusionist_? Fran didn't know his _many_ talents and qualities could become famous so easily.

_Dear Emoticon Rush,_

_Get a crazy pineapple-head for a master. If you are good enough to go near that insane pineapple without dying, I applaud you. You will then spend years of your life being bullied by horny blond dogs and crazy red-headed females._

_And…Which hat?_

_26-sama_

A year into joining the Varia, Fran had gone to visit his pineapple master for a week. Not willingly, of course. He was threatened by his perverted master. If Fran didn't go to see Mukuro, he would be haunted in the bath. Fran had always eyed his master suspiciously after that day.

During the week he had visited Mukuro, his master took fancy to the hat Bel had forced on Fran and decided to change the frog hat to a pineapple one. For days, Fran had to walk around looking like his ugly master.

Fran almost winced at the thought of looking as unattractive as the pineapple-haired illusionist while he read the next post.

_Dear Little One,_

Oya oya? What do I see here? Should you not be training yourself or at least  
do something more useful with your time instead of this..thing? Or hacking  
another Mafioso's blog for said thing? (Oh, don't worry, I already told  
Belphegor, kufufu.)

And throw away that ridiculous illusionary pineapple you must be waving at me  
now, will you, Little One? Kufufufu.

~69-sama~

And speak of the pineapple devil…

_Dear Pineapple Master with a sex position for a name,_

_Bel-senpai's recommendation, Master. Not my fault at all._

_What about you, master? You're not training, but in fact, not doing 'something more useful' by posting on my advice column._

… Come to think of it, Bel-senpai didn't tell Fran how he found out about the ruining of the blog. Or about how he knew that Fran was the culprit. Fran paused for a while to stare at the sloth prince lying on his sofa (Stab). They had been communicating behind his back. How sneaky.

… _How bad of you, Master. To cheat on me with Bel-senpai. Ah, I feel tears coming down._

_And damn, foiled again! How did you know that? Spying on me again, Master? I thought we had agreed that I would at least have the privacy of the bathroom and my room._

_26-sama_

Fran looked around the room slowly, looking for a hint of a pineapple. Wait… Since when did he have that pineapple plushie with the obvious camera sticking out of it? Picking up the offensive item, he walked slowly to the window and threw it out. There, now he could have peace.

Curious about his Froggy's actions, Bel got up and followed Fran back to his laptop, without the illusionist knowing.

_Dear Frog trash,_

VOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! Where the FUCK did you hide my hair conditioner and  
hair dryer! And where's that bleach for my hair!

-39-

"Ushishishi." Bel laughed loudly, suddenly close to Fran. "Sharky must have realised the Prince has stolen his precious hair items."

"Ah. Stupid senpai, it was you? I'm telling on you!" Before Bel could react, Fran typed in his reply.

_Stupid long-haired commander,_

_It was Bel-senpai's fault. Why are you accusing the innocent me of something I didn't do? I would __never____do such a thing._

_26-sama_

_P.S. The culprit's in my room right now. You can come and kill him._

_P.P.S. You use bleach? I knew there was something suspicious!_

"Damn you, Froggy!" Bel read Fran's reply and cursed loudly.

"VOII! BELPHEGOR!" Squalo's screams could be heard, although there was at least half of the mansion in between their respective rooms.

"Ushishishi, I'll get you for this, Froggy!" The idiotic prince stopped to throw another knife at Fran before escaping out of the door.

"Ah." Fran pulled out the knife and read the next post with a tiny satisfactory smirk on his face.

_Um, dear 26-san,_

Would you know where I could find 69-sama?

_~96_

Chrome… She actually knew how to use a computer? Fran thought that she had been deprived of everything because his master was horrible like that. He even made her a pineapple-head too. Fran couldn't imagine the agony she must have gone through.

_Dear Chrome,_

_I'm surprised. You're still putting up with Master? Try searching a nearby female- or male, for that matter- bathroom. If he's still not there, try the changing rooms._

_26-sama_

"GET BACK HERE, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! BELPHEGOR!" Squalo's voice could still be head from this distance.

Fran assume that Bel was hiding in the gardens. He hoped they would squash Lussuria's flowers. And Levi's forget-me-nots. (They were planted in hope that people would remember him. Not that Fran cared.)

_Dear 26-san,_

How are you? I hope you are doing well although I doubt you are doing too well  
what with the insanity and stupidity around you. I mean don't get me wrong.  
The varia's got a bunch of good looking people including squalo if you get him  
to shut up, cut his hair, and if you squint really really hard.(well actually  
levi's not good looking AT ALL. NEVER WILL HE BE ANYTHING REMOTELY CLOSE).  
Anyways I'm sure you are wondering how I know so much about you guys and  
well...its because i'm somewhat of a freelance information broker. but all  
that is besides the point. I have a few questions that I was hoping you could  
answer me...

1. How the fucking hell do you kill daemon spade and the vendice?

2. Mukuro...is he...does he come from some clan of people with pineapple  
people? cuz i've been seeing more of them lately and frankly speaking. its  
more than a little freaky.

3. Would you like to be acquantances?

4. How do you deal with the varia's insanity? just wondering. although I do  
have maybe a little personal gain from learning...

5. what would you do if mukuro, chrome, and all of vongola were in extreme  
danger because of a man who is supposed to be dead? *cough cough* daemon spade *cough cough*...

_sorry about all the questions fra-er I mean 26-san. buona giornata/serata  
hopefully soon to be amico! grazie mille e a dopo!_

ps.

I love your color scheme. its awesome.

Fran reread the super long message again. And again. And again. And for luck that the message will become different, he read it again.

He felt terribly excited! He had a stalker who was not Bel-senpai!

_Dear Stalker (I Know You're Not A Information Broker, Don't Lie),_

_Would you stalk Levi instead? I'm sure he'd be happy to have a stalker. Although he's boring. And ugly. And easy to forget about. And a whole load of other things, actually._

_Your capitalisation is as wonderful as your punctuation. You could teach Squalo a thing or two. Did you know that you have to capitalise the first letter of a name?_

_1. Daemon Spade's the old pineapple-haired pervert, right? So similar to Master. Although he's dead, and I can only wish Master is. Why would you want to kill a dead person?_

_The Vendice… Use great illusionist powers. Or hire me. I'll only cost you fifty lifetimes spent on making money. Ah, I sound like my predecessor. Mammon must be influencing me from his little room full of money._

_2. I agree with you on that point. Master has been forcing more people to look like him. Not me though. I'm a special -and handsome- disciple._

_3. No thank you. I don't make friends with stalkers._

_4. If you're a good 'information broker', shouldn't you know?_

_5. I would feel great. Free from Master's tyrannical rule at last! Poor Chrome though. She never did deserve to have the punishment of looking like Master._

… _You should feel sorry. My name isn't 'Fra'. I feel very indignant because of that._

_I know my colour scheme is awesome. Anything related to me is. Except for Bel-senpai. Poor thing, he would never be as great as me. He is a fake prince after all._

_The stalked 26-sama_

Fran checked the website again. Good, there were no more ridiculous questions left for him to answer. He swore that the questions were getting sillier… and more tiring. Just as he wanted to relax in bed with a nice book…

"VROII! STOP RUNNING!" Squalo suddenly sounded very close.

Oops… Bel-senpai did say that he would get revenge on Fran for telling on him… Fran estimated the fake noble to be about a fifth of the mansion away. Time to start hiding if he wanted his life…

Fran escaped out of the window, laptop in hand in case Bel decided to trash it.

- B26 - B26 - B26 -

**iNikki's note: Okay, I know I'm supposed to make this chapter more snarky and emotionless, but I think this chapter is a whole load more emotion… full. Sorry! I'm used to writing with emotion and can't change over that easily D: I do hope it's more snarky though.**

**Sorry if Fran replied meanly about your letter! I really don't feel like that about it. Fran's terrible, not me. So don't take offense!**

**Fran OOC-ness? Accidentally edited your letter? Noticed any mistakes? Think I write better with NinaKerndall? Review and tell me what you feel!**


	3. Chapter 3

**This fanfiction is now under new management. NinaKerndall is too busy in Malacca, so iNikkix3 has the job of writing everything.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Katekyo Hitman Reborn. However, I do own this fanfic.**

**Credits for the idea of this fic go to mangarox14, for the awesome Dear 59 kun.**

**A very big thank you to all those who reviewed: NarratoreMelon, ****thelonelyrose and thebluebird****, XShagayaku, orangesky3, AsphodelWinter, Sky Vongola Princess and hamandeggrock!**

**Please sit back, relax and enjoy this fanfic! Don't forget to leave your comments and reviews after reading! No flames please.**

**Chapter Three: Forgotten Lightning**

Fran made another illusion of a gigantic pineapple to throw Bel off his scent. He still couldn't open his box weapon due to the ridiculously large hat and the laptop in hand. His senpai really didn't know how to give up.

An hour ago, he got the stupid long-haired commander to start chasing Bel, which linked to Bel deciding on chasing him instead. Fran didn't really want to get stabbed another 690 times nor lose his hearing ability (seeing as Squalo was still chasing after Bel) so he decided to run.

Who knew that the irritating Storm Guardian would persevere in chasing after Fran's handsome back?

Definitely not Fran.

Or Squalo. ("VROII! STOP RUNNING, BELPHEGOR!")

Slowing down a little, Fran noticed that he neared a patch of forget-me-nots. It was surrounded by crushed flowers, looking rather smug that it managed to survive Squalo's rampage in the garden.

Fran decided to alter his path. Easily, he trampled all over Levi's flowers and hid behind a large tree beside the patch of flowers. Holding his breath, he heard Bel run by 'ushishishi'-ing… and covered his ears with illusionary earplugs when Squalo ran by, yelling his trademark 'VROII' again.

Satisfied with his hiding place, Fran decided to switch on his laptop. Luckily, he had charged it right before leaving. Fran praised himself for planning for the future. While waiting for the stupid commander to catch Bel, he checked his advice column. To his surprise, there were more advice-seekers waiting for him.

_DEAR FROG GUY,_

WAHAHA! THIS IS THE GREAT LAMBO-SAN! HOW DO YOU KILL THAT MEANIE REBORN! IF U HELP ME ILL MAKE U ONE OF LAMBO-SANS MINIONS!

_-THE GREAT LAMBO-SAN._

Fran stared at the message blankly. Why didn't Levi kill that stupid brat earlier in the ring conflicts? Oh right, Levi was useless. Even against a snotty little kid.

_Dear Please Clean Your Snot Before Sending Mails,_

_Wahaha! This is the great 26-sama! Go on, attempt to kill Reborn. Then he'll kill you for me._

_The day I'll become your minion is the day the stupid boss stops drinking and Squalo shuts up. That is, never._

_The great 26-sama who really recommends you to learn proper Japanese_

Seriously… Why are the number of idiots in this world increasing? Why can't there be more geniuses like Fran around? Was that simply too much to ask? Fran stared mockingly at the next post. He hoped a genius would post the next question.

_Dear Little One,_

... Oya oya, so disrespectful, my dearest student. And I thought that you  
didn't listen to "fake princes"? Kufufufu...What a contradictory child.

As for my "not training", I shall just say that I do, in fact, train. And  
there lies the reason of my knowing "your" "advice blog", Belphegor also  
knowing this,my knowing the pineapple plushie being thrown out the window and  
the illusionary pineapple you must have been waving at me and the illusionary  
pineapples with which you are, unsuccessfully, trying to decorate the Mist  
Wing of the Vongola mansion.

I could, little one, make more tears come down, if you continue this  
insolence, kufufufu. And since you seem so intent on the opinion that my dear  
Chrome is suffering from me, I shall just say that I was the one who saved  
Chrome's life, and that she made her hair that way on her own will. I did not,  
in any way, force Chrome.

The plushie was to test how long you would take to realize that there was, in  
fact, a plushie in your room. It took you 26 hours, 44 minutes, and 39 seconds  
exactly. Getting dull, aren't you? Kufufufu...oya oya, it seems that you must  
have a training session with me, hmm?

~69-sama~

P.S. Your optical illusion skills are deminishing as well. Check your  
surroundings and understand what I mean.

And also, my penname has nothing to do with such perverse themes. It is merely  
changing my name into numbers by their Japanese pronunciation. Kufufufu...and I  
have no need to spy, as my psychological skills tell me all I need to know.

False hope. That person was an idiot for sure.

_Dear Pineapple-brained Master,_

_I'm surprised you're able to write such a long message. How long did you take to write it? Five hours? You know, you really shouldn't overexert your miniature brain. It might short circuit and I'll have to pick up your pineapple-y corpse._

_Ah, Master, I do nothing but treat you with the utmost respect. How can you accuse me of disrespecting the holy pineapple?_

_You see, this is part of my training. An illusionist needs to train his brain, and with such a fine brain, I have to do different, amusing things to train it! Listening to a fake prince senpai helps some times. _

_Master, please don't try to do my strenuous brain work. You'll seriously die and leave poor Chrome alone. The poor girl has been brain washed too badly to be left alone without the daily dose of pineapple._

_You mean you're polishing up your skills on stalking? Don't worry, you'll get a A1 grade in Stalker 101, Master. I'm sure no one will be as good as you in torturing poor innocent students by stalking._

_The illusionary pineapples are only to trick the stupid senpai. Don't try to comfort yourself that I love you so much, Master. I'm still having the privacy of my room. And bathroom._

_Master, you've sugar coated the fact that you've brainwashed Chrome into thinking that pineapples are the gods of her world. Besides, Master only saved her because you spotted a future pineapple in her. Brainwashing and forcing is pretty much the same thing. It's still not the same as poor Chrome doing it willingly. Which no one would have the pineapple hair of their own will._

_Master, hiding the plushie in the toilet at first does not count, you know. You made me bathe in Bel-senpai's room when he was on a mission. It was horrible. His bathroom needed washing. Terribly._

_The last training session involved you putting a camera in the changing room while you forced me to wear Lussuria-like frilly outfits. So no thanks. I'm not letting my maiden skin be seen by a pedo like Master anymore._

_The maiden 26-sama_

_P.S. I saw the mind raping pineapples, Master. Why are they blue?_

_P.P.S. So even your name is about sex? Che. Perverted Master._

_P.P.P.S. Ha, so you're using the word 'psychological' as a replacement for 'stalker'?_

Fran eyed the kufufu-ing pineapples around him. He clicked his fingers and a large butcher knife started chasing the squealing blue fruits away. His master was getting more and more disturbing every advice letter he sent. Come to think of it, the pineapple maniac didn't even ask for advice.

Fran gave a tiny smile as the pineapples were chopped into pieces by his trusty knife. It flew back and the Mist Guardian gave it a pat.

_Dear brat,_

VOOOIIIIIIIIIIIII! WHAT I USE ON MY HAIR IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, YOU GODDAMN  
FROG!

-39-

Fran immediately wondered how Squalo managed to type that out while cutting half of the Varia place into pieces. He gave a little shudder, reminding himself never to underestimate his commander again.

_Dear Hairy Commander,_

_I hope you do know your hair loss isn't going to be helped by using bleach._

_Deafened 26-sama_

_P.S. Your moaning at night to the boss is keeping me awake. And giving Lussuria nose bleeds._

The shark had approximately lost a quarter of his hair since Fran joined the Varia. It was because of Fran anyway. He took pride in that. He was hoping for the shark to lose another quarter by the end of the year.

_Dear ,_

How do you make an illusion?

Also, why the frack are you so conceited and self-centered? You're even worse  
than your master, you know. On par with your senpai as well. Not bad.

Nufufufufu...

-J.K.-

Fran raised his eyebrows. He was conceited? But he was a good frog! He never did anything to sound self-centred! Well, maybe except for that time… And the other time… And…

Maybe that person had a point.

_Dear Frack Isn't A Swear Word,_

_By training, of course. Start by eating food with optical illusions on them. If you can't find food like that, then you're obviously not worthy._

_I'm so conceited because I have the right to be. Have you ever seen something as cool like me? No? My point exactly. Master and Bel-senpai have no right to be as self-centred as me because they're not as great as me._

_26-sama_

_P.S. Stop laughing like that unless you want to be like a certain mind raping pineapple I know._

"Froggy~ Where are you?" Bel leapt past Fran's tree again, followed by an enraged shark.

Fran knew that the tree was a perfect spot to hide! No one would find him-

"My dear flowers!" A rough voice cried out sadly. "Who dares to trample all over my flowers for Boss?"

Other than Levi.

Sobbing wildly, Levi fell on his forget-me-nots, hugging them pathetically.

Ah. Fran had forgotten that he had purposely stepped on Levi's lovely blossoms. After another second of listening to Levi mourn, Fran got sick of it and decided to read the next post.

_Dear aprentice of the man I am after_

Get your master out of Vendice, I need his body.

And why are you insulting such awesome hair style? Are you jealous you don't  
have one? Your Master isn't the only one that invades your private rooms

~He who is dead, but isn't really

P.S: How does it not hurt to get stabbed?

Why was Fran's fame spreading because of his master? Fran should be made popular because of his great illusionist skills!

_Dear 'Aprentice' Is Spelt 'Apprentice',_

_My Master's already out of the Vendice, Stalker-san. You can search for him at the next rape crime scene. Or disturbing Hibari Kyouya._

_Why would I be jealous of having a hideous fruit for a hairstyle? Trust me, I'm not. I had the hairstyle once when Master tried to brainwash the young and sweet me like Chrome. I snapped out of it once I saw a mirror._

_26-sama who will reinforce his room's security once Levi stops sulking and goes away_

_P.S. Bel-senpai is so stupid that even his knives get affected and can't cause pain._

Too many people were getting to know his identity. How did they even know him anyway? Fran frowned slightly, adjusting his position so that the grieving Levi won't fall over him. He didn't want to die.

_26-byon!_

Why are you waisting time on this stupid blog-byon? And when you come back  
bring me some strawberry-flavored gum-byon! You owe me!

P.S. Get rid of that ugly frog hat-byon!

-14

There were too many idiots in this world. And they enjoyed haunting the poor frog.

_Horny blond dog,_

_I do owe you some gum for distracting Master enough for me to run away during my last visit. Fine, I'll bring some. You're going to use the gum to woo Chrome again, aren't you?_

_Chikusa, if you're there, please get the dog to stop using your computer. His spit will spoil it._

_26-sama_

_P.S. You put the post script after signing off, you stupid dog._

_P.P.S. I can't._

Although Ken did distract Fran's master for his own purpose, Fran did owe the dog for letting him escape wearing both a pineapple hat and a pineapple dress thing. Oh, and changing in front of the perverted fruit-haired master.

"Boss~ I love you so much~" Levi started confessing to his crushed flowers.

_26bakaa!_

alele? what's This? LamBo-san doesn't understand!... stop doing dis stUpid  
stuff and become Lambo-san's sLave! gYahaha! Lambo-san is Superior!

p.S. thIs is not LambO-saN!

Apparently, the stupid cow wanted another shot at his great advice column and wanted to remain anonymous this time. Not that it worked. At all.

_Cow brat,_

_Frogs are superior to cows._

_26-sama_

_P.S. For the second time, get a proper Japanese teacher._

After he finished his short and sweet reply, Fran opened another window and sent an e-mail to the Vongola Tenth.

_Dear Sawada Tsunayoshi,_

_Please get your Lightning Guardian off the computer._

_Sincerely,_

_26-sama_

"Thank you flowers! I'm going to go confess to boss now!" Levi got up with confidence Fran had missed while typing out his more interesting replies.

Fran hoped that there were enough tissues in the base.

_Dear 26-sama,_

I hope this isn't too personal but what exactly made you take 69-sama as your  
Master? Since he's so perverted and all...

And have you ever seen your Senpai's eyes before?

Sincerely,

A Curious Person

There was officially an infestation of idiotic people in this world, Fran made up his mind. He was going to protect himself with his superior brain cells while watching his senpai fall to the disease gleefully.

_Dear Bel-senpai Killed The Curiosity And The Cat,_

_I thought everybody knew this by now, so it couldn't really be personal. _

_Master plucked the wonderful me off the streets, stealing me from my happy family, and forced me to eat pineapples every single meal. Then when I was successfully weakened, he threatened to feed me more of those horrible fruits unless I accepted his offer of being his pupil._

_If I had known that I would spend the next few years LOOKING at pineapples…_

_And hence, my sad life of being mind-raped everyday began._

_No, I haven't- Wait, I have. On such a creep like Bel-senpai, his eyes would obviously be ugly and disgusting. That's to be expected. But his real eyes, they were even more horrible than what I had expected._

_He was a CYCLOPS! He had this gigantic evil red eye that stared down at the helpless me… He didn't even blink as he moved towards me unwaveringly. I couldn't move, paralysed by the scariness of that gruesome gaze… My heartbeats sped up quickly, but my limbs refused to move. When I finally got my brain to work, my 'senpai' pounced…_

_26-sama_

_P.S. I hoped you were frightened by my picture depicting skills._

_P.P.S. Did you wet your pants?_

Fran switched off his laptop and tried to relax. His fake-prince-senpai would most likely run around the mansion for ages without even thinking to look behind Fran's tree. So until then, Fran could rest.

From far away, Fran heard a faint explosion and what sounded like Levi's pathetic crying of "BOSSSSSSSSSS~"

Levi could use toilet paper if there weren't enough tissue paper.

**iNikkix3's note: Did you see it? The tiny bit of Xanxus x Squalo? And the whole chunk of the rejected Levi? I hope the XS scenes will increase the next chapter, but it all depends on the reviews and letters I get!**

**There were two Lambo letters so I had to wing it. Did it sound okay to you, my dear readers?**

**Please review and tell me your feelings! (I even accept reviews on Levi.)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Katekyo Hitman Reborn. However, I do own this fanfic.**

**Credits for the idea of this fic go to mangarox14, for the awesome Dear 59 kun.**

**A very big thank you to all those who reviewed: NarratoreMelon, ****thelonelyrose and thebluebird****, XShagayaku, orangesky3, AsphodelWinter, Angelic Tears - Fear the Fire and RealityBitez**

**The next chapter will be answered by Bel, so leave letters for him but pretend it's for Fran.**

**Oh, and I activated the vulgarity filter (: I don't know why it wasn't activated to begin with…**

**Please sit back, relax and enjoy this fanfic! Don't forget to leave your comments and reviews after reading! No flames please.**

**Chapter Four: Heroic Gay Lords**

"Ah, let go of me, idiotic senpai!" The fake prince started throttling the pathetic frog who could do nothing but dangle limply.

"No way!" He started to list Fran's wrongdoings furiously. "Froggy ruined the Prince's royal blog-"

"I'd thought you and your nonexistent brain would have forgotten about that by now." Fran replied easily, as if he wasn't slowly being choked to his death. "Good job, stupid senpai."

That statement was followed by a brutal stab. "-and made the stupid shark chase the Prince around for HOURS…"

"That's your fault, fake prince senpai." Fran's thoughtful words were ignored again.

"The worst thing was that when the genius Prince finally caught you hiding behind ugly Levi's flowers, you just said-"

"Brainless senpai."

"Exactly," Bel paused for a moment before realising his mistake. "Shut up, Froggy!"

Fran held back a retort, since he was quickly running out of air to reply. He'd better preserve his air if he wanted to survive through this ordeal. It wasn't very likely though, with the crazed expression on his senpai's face… He meant even more crazed expression. The fake prince was already maniacal enough on good days.

Fran closed his eyes and considered his dying place. It wasn't very good. The mansion was half-toppling over due to Squalo's new renovations, Levi's dramatic cries still echoing around and Lussuria's…

Where was the Gay Lord anyway?

… Probably peeping in Xanxus's room since the stupid boss had pulled in Squalo a few minutes ago, leaving the insane prince free to catch Fran. And slash away the disturbing blue pineapples still loitering around the mansion. Specifically near bathroom windows.

Why was Fran even thinking of pineapples when he was about to die? It would be so sad to imagine his master before he met with the light. He could imagine better things. Like about Bel-senpai forcing the frog hat on him. Hmm, that wasn't very happy. Then how about Lussuria forcing a pink apron on him?

… He had burnt the apron after that. About the moaning at night? Hell no. About being forced to run laps? Fran had spent days in bed after that… About Levi stealing his toilet paper since his ran out? Oh dear, Levi might be stealing it now!

Now that he thought about it, he never really had good memories. He blamed everyone else for making his life miserable and pineapple-and-fake-prince-filled. Fran wondered if his senpai could let him go for a short while, just to hire an orchestra, so he could die dramatically.

"Ushishishi, the stupid long-haired commander can go find a new Mist Guardian after the Prince done with torturing the Froggy." The fake prince was now about to kill the person he loved the most, according to some letter Fran got anyway.

"Bel-chan~" Saved by the Gay Lord.

Wait, what?

"What?" Bel didn't seem very happy as his grip relaxed a little. "The Prince is busy."

"We've run out of tissue AND toilet paper~ Levi-chan seems so-o upset by his 50th rejection!~" Lussuria then squealed out the sentence that saved Fran's life. "And it's your turn to buy the groceries, Bel-chan~"

Fran could practically see the little squiggles behind Lussuria's sentences. Or maybe his eyes were just going haywire due to the lack of oxygen. He was, after all, still seeing blue pineapples dance the samba outside the living room window. Did that tiny one just trip? In mid-air?

"Che," Bel clicked his tongue, letting Fran go. "The Prince will be back for Froggy later."

The Gay Lord was officially now Fran's hero… Or heroine?

"The Froggy won't be waiting," Fran massaged his throat, still managing to earn another knife.

His senpai was so generous.

"Mou~ I still have to comfort poor Levi~ Bel-chan, please get the things on the list~" Lussuria handed Bel a long list of items that mostly included Lussuria's frilly clothes.

"Hell no," Fran's senpai spat out, not even laughing his irritating laugh once. "The Prince won't deign himself to do un-Princely purchases of gay items."

He would still have to buy the clothing no matter what he says though. Any person who skips out on his chores gets shot by Xanxus, and no one particularly wanted to be the target board of the irritable boss after seeing Squalo fall down with a weak yell.

It was the only time they had heard such a soft scream. And frankly, Fran found it rather disturbing.

Thankfully, the long list of things for Bel to buy bought Fran a couple of hours to live. The fact that Belphegor would take one hour to muster his courage to walk into the underwear shop helped too.

"Bossu~ Why?" Levi's pitiful moans could be heard loudly.

"Mou~ I'll go comfort Levi now!" The Gay Lord squealed happily and skipped out of the room.

Fran immediately pitied Levi, having to go through his 50th heartbreak AND Lussuria's molesting hidden behind the lie of 'comforting'. More than that, Fran pitied himself, having to hear both moans from Squalo and Levi's dramatic sobbing that night.

"AHHH! DON'T COME CLOSER!" Levi's frightened cries echoed almost as loudly as his wailing.

Lussuria must have found his prey.

Deciding to distract himself from disturbing mental images and dancing pineapples, Fran shifted a huge pile of shiny knives and plucked out his laptop. Time to check his popular advice column again!

_Dear 26-sama,_

Strange things have been happening recently, and I think I'm either going to  
go mad or die of constant nervous breakdowns and stomach aches!

Just a few days ago, a baby with an afro hairstyle crash-landed into my house!  
And what happened next was so bizarre I can hardly stand to think of it! But I  
think he is related to the Mafia!

Also, I believe I am having chronic hallucinations. I keep hearing someone  
shouting something that sounds like "VOOOII".

PLEASE TELL ME I"M NOT GOING CRAZY.

T-Thank you for reading this.

~51

P.S If you have a remedy for stomach-aches, could you share them with me?

Wasn't that the red-headed Vongola Ally? Who helped them defeat that marshmallow-loving pedo? If Fran read the whole thing carefully, there were signs that '51' was from ten years in the past. Hmm. Things were getting more interesting…

Even more so than the blue pineapples that were starting to sing some song that sounded suspiciously like his master's laugh.

_Dear Red Headed Kid,_

_If you're kind, to me at least, keep that kid away from a computer and get him a Japanese teacher. If not, just throw him away. He'll survive somehow._

_Squalo's yell can be heard across countries? Wow, a new record. I thought he could only be heard throughout the whole country._

_You're not going crazy. The people around you are. I find blaming everyone else works most of the time._

_And since you posted on my advice column, I have no choice but to read this, right? But you're welcome anyway, since you're so much better and more polite than the rest of the world. And the people around me. -cough- Bel-senpai -cough-_

_26-sama_

_P.S. Get someone to stab you. The pain from the stabbing keeps your mind from thinking about stomach aches. Of course, you'll want to find a cure for excessive bleeding by then._

_P.P.S. When you meet the durian-haired paedophile, keep him away from small kids._

Fran couldn't give hints about the future, right? Too bad. He could have scared that red head into wetting his pants. That would be terribly fun.

_Dear Frog_

How dare you tell on the Prince! When he finds you he will punish you good,  
just you wait! Ushishishi, the many punishments I have for you in my mind! Ah,  
I bet your blood is tasty...

Prince the Ripper, Belphegor-sama

Ah, the idiot has decided to pollute Fran's lovely advice column.

_Dear Fake Prince Senpai,_

_The stupid long-haired commander would have found out anyway, stupid-senpai. So the innocent me just told the truth… and quickened your punishment._

_Frog blood won't be tasty. Shoo shoo, keep away from my blood. It'll give you indigestion._

_By the way, are you typing this while hiding outside the Gay Lord's favourite underwear and cosplay shop again, retarded senpai? You aren't allowed to procrastinate, you know. Wait until I tell the idiotic boss~_

_26-sama_

_P.S. I thought your laptop and your phone were swimming in Levi's toilet bowl. How did you manage to come online anyway?_

Fran suppressed a shiver. The pineapples were starting to strip dance outside the window. Something Fran had thought impossible. That is, until he met his master. Nothing was impossible with his pineapple-haired master.

_Dear I KNOW Frack is not a swear word,_

The only reason I did not use the word ** is because I don't like being vulgar  
as some people are.

...Your conceit knows no limits, does it? Nufufufu...at least pineapples taste  
nice and are liked by many. Nufufu.

FYI...I am the one who mind-raped your master. NUHAHAHAHA. So, no, those  
pineapples were NOT by him, nufufufufufu.

-Guess Who-

That person sounded a whole lot like a dead pineapple Fran knew. If that person could still type or mind rape his Master… then the world would be overrun by evil pineapple devils led by the most pineapple-y one of all, his pineapple-possessed master!

_Dear Old Pineapple,_

_Good to know. My ears are polluted enough by the stupid Sharkey._

_Are you sure pineapples are liked? Or are people just majorly brainwashed into eating that perverted fruit? I'm sure there's some kind of aphrodisiac in every single one of those disturbing fruits. Or zombie liquid._

_No, I'm quite sure my Master is the lord of mind raping. You are long dead. Stay that way and the whole world won't have to suffer from the stupid laughter of two pineapples dancing the samba together._

_26-sama_

_P.S. Stop trying to take credit for the stripping pineapples. I saw the tag that said 'Property of the Pineapple Mukuro' pasted on every single one of them. Maybe Chrome tried to be helpful._

Fran sneaked another peek at the blue tropical fruits. If they kept stripping layers off, there would be nothing left. Which would be much appreciated by Fran. Wait… They weren't outside the window…

They were in front of him, dripping pineapple juice and still dancing the samba. Singing some perverted 'Kufufu no fu' song. Fran gulped and inched further away. He'd take his insane senpai over haywire pineapples any day.

_Dear Apprentice,_

No, it did not take five hours, kufufu. If I was as idiotic as you make of me,  
then what would that make you, my apprentice? Kufufufu...

And if all you can think of pure coincidence is stalking, sex positions,  
and brainwashing, wouldn't that mean you are fairly twisted as well?

And for the last time, Chrome was NOT brainwashed, forced, or tampered with in  
any way. If you contradict that one more time, I will personally make sure  
that you will get at least a month of good, hard training from me in person.  
Kufufufufufu.

~Your Master~

P.S. ...What pineapples? Oya oya, you must be hallucinating, because  
pineapples are NOT blue. Kufufu.

The pineapples were dancing closer. And closer. Where was Fran's trusty butcher knife when he needed it? Oh right, he just needed to create it.

Snapping his fingers, Fran gazed satisfyingly at the chopped up naked pineapples. Under their blue skin, they were actually of a normal yellow colour. So his Master's hair would be something like that too? Fran's mouth twisted into a barely visible evil smirk.

Focusing, he created dozens of cute cartoon frogs and sent them after his Master. How would the pineapple lord like a taste of his own medicine?

_Dear Double Coloured Pineapple Haired Master,_

_So that took you 6 hours... I knew I overestimated you way too much! _

_That would make me… smarter than you? Don't worry, Master, apprentices always surpass their masters._

_How would this poor apprentice not be twisted if he was kidnapped by a pineapple from young, kept being force fed brainwashing fruits, tossed into only the most insane squad in the world and kept being stabbed by fake princes? And usually, _normal _people would comfort the poor frog instead of trying to rape him…_

_So it's still your fault, Master. You and your holy Pineapple Hair._

_I'm practically shivering from fear here, Master. Oh… It's because the window was opened by your mind raping pineapples. Why don't you focus on fighting off the undead and revived old pineapple instead? And leave this poor frog (who still believes Chrome was brainwashed) alone._

_I intensely dislike your training. Go train the horny dog how to talk without spitting everywhere. He needs it. And if you're so free, get Chikusa a new computer._

_26-sama_

_P.S. Assuming that you knew they would strip off their blue-ness, yeah, they're not blue._

_P.P.S. Have you seen the adorable frogs?_

Fran could see his Master getting attacked by his awesome frogs in his mind. Or maybe that was because one frog had a camera. Either way, he still enjoyed seeing his Master get a little flustered.

"LEVI-CHAN~ DON'T BE SO MEAN~" Were they still at it?

_Dear ** Brat,_

VOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIII! IT'S NO THANKS TO YOU THAT I LOST SO MUCH HAIR, DAMNIT!

VROOOOIIIIIII! WHERE THE ** ARE YOU BELPHE- oh **...Boss...OI! XAN- nnf!

-39 trash-

P.S. Shut. The. Hell. Up. Scum...

Fran nearly groaned as he shoved earplugs into his ears again. The moaning was going to start early this time. Maybe he could sleep outside.

_Dear I'm Sure You're Going To Do It Now,_

_Try to tone it down a little, please? Some people are trying to sleep tonight._

_26-sama_

_P.S. Boss, could you get Levi to shut up?_

_P.P.S. Bel-senpai is trying to get off his grocery shopping duties. Shoot him for me._

Oops, Fran just committed a crime. He told on his senpai again. But hopefully, Bel would die after his punishment so that Fran could live. That would be amazing. His senpai dying after going through the humiliation of buying a Sailor Moon cosplay outfit.

_Dear Stupid Froggy 26-byon!_

Wh-Why would I want to use gum to 'woo' that stupid girl-byon? That's  
d-disgusting-byon!

And who're you callin' horny blond dog, you stupid green haired frog-byon!

And do you know how much I had to endure with the punishment that Mukuro-sama gave me? You better give me my goddamn snack-byon!

P.S. I said, get rid of that stupid frog hat-byon! It's as stupid as the  
pineapple one!

P.P.S. Your hair color is unnatural! Dye it-byon!

-DogsAreAwesomeThanFrogs

Ah, so it was Ken's turn to take control of Chikusa's computer?

_Dear Frogs Are More Awesome Than Dogs, Stupid Dog,_

_I can sense you blushing from all the way here. You just absolutely love to use your absolutely unhealthy snacks to woo Chrome, don't you? Hope she finds enough courage to turn you down, horny gorilla. Just don't come sulking to me after you confess._

_Perverted. Blond. Pig._

_It's your fault you decided to ask Master about his hair's similarities to pineapples and got hit with the said fruits after that. Besides, Chikusa already warned you._

_26-sama_

_P.S. The postscripts come after you sign off, stupid Pineapple Lover._

_P.P.S. I'll tell Master that you said his pineapple hat was stupid._

_P.P.P.S. Your whole self is unnatural. Go commit suicide and come back as a proper person._

The dog was getting more and more annoying. Well, at least the fact that Ken was able to use the computer showed Fran that his cute little frogs were working in annoying his Master.

"AHH! GET. AWAY. BOSS, SAVE ME!" Levi's terrified cries sounded out, followed by a particularly loud moan from the idiotic Boss's direction.

_Dear 26-whatever..._

Sigh...he already spoiled it with his disgusting spits. Now I have to buy a  
new computer for myself. Seriously, sharing it with that dog and Mukuro-sama,  
who seems to like sending letters to this blog, is madness.

P.S. What were you and Mukuro-sama talking about anyway? Something perverted I  
suppose. Sigh...

NotaKakipii

Apparently, Ken had gone off in a fit after reading Fran's letter, Fran's spy frog told him. Hopefully, he went to kill himself.

_Dear HAHA I Don't Have A Spoilt Computer,_

_As much as I pity you, Postscripts. Come. After. You. Sign. Off._

_26-sama_

_P.S. Get Master to buy you a new one. It was his fault your computer became dirtied with spit AND pineapple juice._

_P.P.S. Master is the perverted one, not me._

Apparently, the Kokuyo- or Pineapple- gang enjoyed spamming Fran's advice column. Fran was about to mentally complain when…

'Pineapple-sama is coming! Pineapple-sama is coming!' His spy frog squealed before being shredded to pieces.

Ah, Fran had annoyed his Master a little bit too much, it seems. And now, his Master was out for revenge. Why do people enjoy bullying Fran so much? First, it was Bel-senpai, then his Master.

Fran quickly set up frog spies all around the mansion, except for the part at Xanxus's room. He didn't really want to see what happened there. The spies could warn him when a furious pineapple came storming over.

_26-chaaan~_

Kyaa~ Is my little froggy-son being a good boy?~ Mou, why are you being so mean to Squa-chan and Bel-chan?~

The house is already noisy with Levi's annoying cry for papa~

-Luss-neechan~

How did the Gay Lord find his advice column anyway? Even while trying to sexually assault… What was that fellow's name again?

_Dear Molester,_

_Froggy-chan is being a very good boy. Froggy-chan is being very kind to Squ-chan by not shoving Bel-senpai's tiara into his mouth and asking him to shut up. Froggy-chan is being extremely kind to Bel-chan by not telling on him to the boss. Oh wait, Froggy-chan already did._

_By the way, the house is noisy because of your attempts to molest your 'child'._

_26-sama_

_P.S. The key to Levi's bathroom is in Storeroom 64, along with all your porn._

Fran had stumbled across the eye-burning items when he was finding a place to hide from Bel-senpai. Again. Needless to say, he never went in or near there again.

_Dear 26-san,_

It turned out I wasn't hallucinating or what about those wings and my eyes. My  
mother ran away screaming when one day I looked up at her and she saw my eyes.  
Apparently, people around me are seeing wings too and according to my best  
friend, "The angel wing glows pure white but there's this creepy evil aura  
around the devil one." So I can safely assume that we're all mental or there's  
something strange going on with me. Kindly tell me what I should do about  
this. Please don't tell me to gouge my eyes or chop the wings or something  
along those lines.

You misunderstand me. What I meant was that every time when I go to get  
chocolate at the store I see the two of you. Again and again. (Fine, an old  
white-haired Rapunzel came along once.)But this happened for at least 1 year 5  
months 13 days 9 hours 6 minutes and 17 seconds. Don't worry, my counting  
skills is good.

Well, back to the point. The point is, why would Bel-san stab you if he didn't  
care about you? It actually shows that you mean something to him, even if on  
the outside it looks like he just wants to kill you or something.

Go and think about this and I'll check back in on your answer later.

Regards,

13

That person was the one who first got Fran wondering about his relationship with his senpai. That person, who obviously needed to check in at a mental hospital, had not taken Fran's smart advice and came back to post another letter that made him doubt himself. Again.

_Dear WHY Didn't You Listen To Me When I Said You Were Mental,_

_Now you have to go around hallucinating about people around you running away and your fake best friend saying nonsense… I'm sure your mother loves you very much and won't run away from you. There, now listen to my advice and go to a mental hospital._

_Ah, the chocolate store. Bel-senpai loves the frog chocolates with gooey strawberry stuff in it. He says it's like killing me over and over again. Wait, you were spying on him biting the heads off chocolate frogs and laughing at the 'blood' that dripped out?_

_If you're a true stalker, you can see that Bel-senpai purposely dragged me there to watch my chocolate selves' gruesome death over and over again. I didn't really enjoy chocolate very much after that._

Fran paused for a while, reading the sentence about the stupid long-haired commander going to the chocolate store. That was just plain freaky.

That store was pink and filled with hearts, frills and all that gay stuff. Lussuria enjoyed going there. Bel-senpai… Who knows what was going on in that empty head of his… But Fran had confirmed that only insane or gay people went to that store. Other than people like him, being dragged there instead of going willingly and all.

So… why would Squalo go to that store?

_That old person should be a witch instead. Although I'm suspecting that he was buying a Valentines' gift for the stupid boss. (Must. Not. Laugh.)_

_No, I don't really need to think about this point. It's quite certain that fake and idiotic Prince hates me. He was about to choke me to death two hours ago. He stabs me because he is jealous of my supreme sexiness and better brain. If you have ever seen me, you should know what I mean. He even forced that frog hat on me to dim my radiance! Not that it worked. At all._

_26-sama_

'Pineapple-sama is coming! Pineapple-sama is coming!' An adorable cartoon frog squealed in Fran's ear, jumping up and down anxiously.

"Gulp." Fran replied in a monotone as he watched his precious frogs get sliced up by his Master's trident in the distance.

The Mist Guardian took in a deep breath. He could also see an angered Bel-senpai storm up the driveway. It had taken way too little time for him to buy everything. His senpai was growing a thicker skin and managed to buy the cosplay outfits so quickly!

But the end result of a steaming and embarrassed knife-happy senpai and a furious pineapple?

An extremely dead Fran.

He was now about to try to keep the life the Gay Lord had saved just now for as long as possible. He prepared dozens of illusion walls as he climbed out of the window. Again. Why did Fran get into these kinds of situations so often?

"ARGH~" Levi screamed as Lussuria opened his bathroom door.

- B26 - B26 - B26 -

**iNikkix3's note: I was being rushed while writing this so I didn't really proofread this chapter and hurried to post it. This chapter is slightly longer though (4k words), since I won't be able to work during the weekend.**

**The next chapter will be full of Bel, since he would be the one replying all the advice-seekers. Please show your support for the Prince and the Frog by reviewing!**

**The average reviews for chapters so far: **** 7 **

**So let's try to break out of that number by this chapter, okay? Please review!~**


	5. TEASER

**Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn.**

**Chapter XX: Teaser**

Fran had always imagined how Chrome got brainwashed by his Master. It went something like this:

Nagi was dreaming peacefully. She never wanted to wake up from her enjoyable fantasies.

-cue in the evil pineapple laugh-

Too bad a nightmare was about to head her way.

Master: Kufufufu, hello Nagi.

Poor Nagi was swept away from her dreams of handsome teal-haired guys and into the clutches of Fran's evil Master.

Nagi: E-eh? P-pineapple?

Master: -angermark- No, Nagi...

Nagi: T-then st-stalker?

Master: -bigger angermark- Nagi, I'm here to save you... I'm not a stalker.

Nagi: B-but... I don't want a pineapple-headed s-stalker to save m-me from m-my e-evil parents! I w-want my P-prince C-Charming!

A loud snap could be heard as Fran's old Master finally lost his patience.

Master: -does the badass brainwashing spell- Pineapples are handsome!

Newly-Christened Chrome: Yes... Mu… kuro-sama... Pine… apple... is my... Prince Charming...

Hence, Chrome became a pineapple-lover, not able to be saved by the great hero, Fran, who had broken out of the pineapple spell. She was deluded into thinking that she had found her Prince Charming. The awesome hero, Fran, now wondered if he could find his Prince Charming too.

"Ushishishi, wake up, Froggy." His senpai shook the dozing Fran awake.

The Mist Guardian's eyes fluttered open slightly, drinking in the sight of his smirking senpai. His eye twitched slightly as he realised that Bel was in his room.

"Staring, Froggy?" Bel smiled widely, pulling Fran up from his uncomfortable place on the couch.

"Perverted-fake-prince-senpai," Fran insulted easily, hiding his tiny blush.

His senpai looked strangely cute today, with his golden locks mussed up in an attractive manner. Not that Fran would admit it.

As the frog rubbed his eyes and stretched, he thought that perhaps he had found his handsome prince after all.

Stab.

Maybe not…

Stab.

Now why did he find his senpai handsome to begin with?

Stab.

Fran absolutely hated his ugly and disgusting senpai.

- B26 - B26 - B26 -

**iNikkix3's note: I bet you're wondering what this chapter is about, right? And why I haven't posted for so-o long? The explanation (I swear it's not an excuse) is right below.**

**NinaKerndall is back on this! So that means later chapters. Oops. I meant a better story. No offence. But she is working on a new B26 fic, so she'll take a longer time to do Bel's chapter. Which leads to the other point…**

**This chapter is sort of to keep you interested enough to wait for the next chapter. Which I promise will be full of pineapples, frogs and self-centred princes. **

**Oh, and to get more reviews. Bel needs more letters! So please review!**


End file.
